I’d been interested in the effects of meditation for a long time.
I thought it could bring me peace, change my thinking, make me better.
Problem was, there was never enough time. I felt like I couldn’t begin, never mind sustain a daily practice.
I had two young kids who weren’t sleepers. It felt like I was clawing back time just to think straight. My mind was often blurry and reactive. I also told myself this story: I had to do it completely right or not at all (a fantastic excuse that I’ve used time and again to stop doing something I want to do) I desperately wanted the effects of what meditation might bring. I had heard that it trains the mind and creates a gap, the gap between reaction and response. I was becoming an absolutely expert in reacting and I hated it.
I’d finally gotten to the point where it was more painful to do nothing than to do something imperfectly.